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CARING
ABOUT SELF AND CARING ABOUT OTHERS
(A Reflection of My Nursing Journey) |
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a snake I came out of the rivers of my mother's womb, traveling with
fire in my eyes ready to shed, explore, and get excited. I was met
with poisons of challenging opportunities transmuting me so I may
be healed again and again. I am becoming one with the poisons. At 21, I became a Nurse. A seed was planted, cultivated and germinated in the Philippines, the homeland of my roots. In a diaspora, I continued to nurture myself in America, the homeland of my fruits. I now extract the essence of the east and the west as I become a living example to an authentic blend of healing wisdom. I was born in a time and space where traditional healing with herbs, prayers, healing foods, and rituals were practiced with deep appreciation and respect. These traditions were handed down to me out of love. Caring for siblings, families and communities was a given especially if you grew up in the rural areas. At nine years old, one learned how to cook rice for the whole family, hand wash loads of clothes, care about siblings, and perform other survival chores as part of a child's responsible way of growing and caring. As the oceans and the volcanoes get restless, so was I. There was yearning in the depth of my being. I started to sense restraint in the cocoon of comfort and safety. So, I plunged into some uncertainties. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I boarded the plane to America. My thoughts were buzzing like bees with questions such as;" How do I keep my authenticity of traditional lifestyle and be a health professional in western medicine". I had to let go of worries and let God and my ancestors help me. "Let me be true to myself so that I can be true to others", I prayed. Even my friends had doubts on how I could be happy in an environment where perceptions are looked at in a very linear way. "Don't forget where you came from and what you stand for". This was one of their farewell statements to me. It was not until I went back on my second visit (15 years later) that my friends and families in the Philippines realized that I have not forgotten what was imparted to me. Instead, I thrived like a migrant bird that learned to flap its wings with power and strength. I glided with ease and grace over the cliffs, mountains, volcanoes, and oceans. I tried to keep still during storms. I avoided the gun shots fired at me. I knew when to take comfort under a shade when the mighty sun seemed to pierce me. I dipped my head at times to quench my thirst with the power of water. There were risks I had to take in order to safely land in my destination and experience the unending cycle of life. As I found faith in my heart, I gained respect in the eyes of my friends and families. Acceptance of me did not come easy, and I questioned myself: "What am I doing in Critical Care Nursing? Why not be a Community Based Health Nurse? Why did I not pursue my choices of Missionary Nursing or Psychiatric Nursing? Why did I come to America?" Words like if, could, would, should, and but were haunting me constantly. The more doubts and worries I had, the more difficulties I experienced at work. It was an ordeal to come to work. I had no sense of joy. Nothing I seemed to do was enough, or appreciated. Distractions from focusing on patient care were all around me. Poisons diffused into my wholeness as I felt like I was walking on a rice paper. Finally, I had to re-center and remember that I have to take every moment presented as a gift of opportunity to take part in the process of my unfolding consciousness as well as that of those around me in connection with What and Who is Great. Amazingly, once I stopped questioning and accepted the moment, I began to realize that ripples of patterns came into play for me to care. In the right state of mind, I was in awe and I could see with peace and clarity in the sea within me. Where one is, Consciousness exists. The medicine of the snake was giving me the privilege to experience anything willingly and without resistance. My roots became deeply grounded on good food, prayers, positive thoughts, meditation, mindfulness, herbs and spices of various emotions and perceptions that at times I don't want to feel and perceive. I may not understand but I know that as a whole, all of these helped me to care more. So now, I experience the fruits of faith such as joy, peace, courage, determination, perseverance, creativity, acceptance, receptivity and shedding the layers of fear manifested by doubts, anger, mistrust, fight, flight, indifference and ignorance. Through constant practice, my experiences are being transformed into wisdom and wisdom transmuted into magic. As a holistic Nurse in a Critical Care Setting, I get to experience the life-death-rebirth cycle and this helps me feel whole wherever I am. If at times I feel otherwise, I reflect: The first thing I ask myself is, "Have I been taking care of myself or have I been over involved? Did I take time to recharge or did I allow myself to be drained? Am I comfortable but non-productive? Am I at the right state of mind? Do I have lucid dreams to guide me? " I then have only one choice, I must listen to the whisper of the wind, to the beat of my heart, to the wave of my mind and to nothing of darkness, so I can be mindful of my intentions and move on. Out of the spirit in my soul comes the flickering light that I may relentlessly have my passion, my vitality, my knowledge, my charisma, my leadership, my all... to care about myself and as well as others. For all of us who are on this journey, we have to allow every bit of our talent, and all of ourselves to be used as tools to help us flourish in the roles that are already in motion in our lives. I can only wish that we continue to open up our minds and our hearts so that we, our patients and families may continue to receive the universal blessing and to give thanks and praise in return. I am blessed not to be alone in this journey. I have you and you and you!!! Grace Sunga Asagra Stanley April. 2005-03-20 "To Honor Nurses is To Honor Earth's Medicine. Happy Nurses' Week to One and all!" |
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